Seriously, people, it is no joke.
Step 1: Gather supplies from all over the house, especially baskets of half-folded laundry containing one sleep sack but not the other.
Step 2: Coax Baby A into laying down for a diaper change by giving her an exciting toy.
Step 3: Remove Baby B from Baby A’s face and give back the toy.
Step 4: Grab Baby A, who crawled away half-naked and poopy while Baby B was being relocated.
Step 5: Get a clean diaper halfway on.
Step 6: Grab one leg of naked baby crawling away with her diaper halfway on.
Step 7: Rescue diaper cream from Baby B’s mouth. Pull Baby B off your leg long enough to get Baby A’s diaper on.
Step 8: Repeat crawling, retrieving and sibling-relocating steps with pajamas.
Step 9: Remember lotion, and decide it can wait til tomorrow.
Step 10: Repeat steps 1-9 with second baby.
Step 11: Start reading Goodnight Moon. Pull book out of each baby’s mouth when it gets to her favorite page.
Step 12: Give up reading and recite the last three pages by memory as babies crawl away in opposite directions.
Step 13: Entertain Baby A while nursing baby B.
Step 14: Entertain a half-asleep Baby B while nursing Baby A.
Step 15: Get Baby B 90% asleep before remembering her sleep sack. Only forget sleep sack on nights when the temps are below freezing outside.
Step 16. Put sleep sack on and get a now-bouncing and squealing Baby B sleepy again.
Step 17: Repeat steps 13 and 14 with Baby A. Do bedtime routine in whisper so Baby B stays asleep.
Step 18: Find the chocolate.