I had heard before having Lucy and Catalina that parenting reflects ourselves back on us and shows us our weaknesses. I didn’t understand until recently, when certain little people began to display a will of their own.
In the few very long and very short weeks since that began in full force, I’ve discovered the only reason I was a patient parent before was that they didn’t test my patience. Now I remember from my days bossing my brothers around that few things upset me more than being disobeyed. I just didn’t expect to be reminded of that so soon. But here I am, learning that I am not patient at all.
After a frustrating ordeal, during which I inevitably add to the problem and huff like a teenager at my not-even-two year olds, I say to myself what I usually feel like saying to them: “Why did you have to do that the hard way?”
I have found so many opportunities to lose my patience these days, surprising even myself. But in those moments has come a sweeter grace than I could have expected. Lucy and Catalina forgive me immediately. They rush to comfort me when I apologize and explain how my heart is hurt by their disobedience.
In this, I’ve been reminded of the gospel, of Jesus’ blood covering every sin, so many times every day. He knew I would fail, and he covered those sins anyway. He still looks on me and sees a blameless daughter of God.
When I grieve over my failure and remember that, “My sin, not in part but the whole/ Was nailed to the cross and I bear it no more,” then I do sing, “Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, oh my soul!” He takes away not just the sin, but the shame of failure, too.
When I lose my cool or find myself again incapable of meeting all the needs of the day, I wake up the next morning to find God’s mercies are new, my conscience “purified from dead works so I can serve the living God” (Hebrews 9:14).
I really can’t do it all. But in Christ I find the sufficiency to meet every need and every to-do. In the Holy Spirit I find a Counselor who daily reminds me that when I fall short, godly sorrow leads to repentance, where Jesus’ blood covers all my failures and all my sins. He reminds me that God says, “I will remember their sins and lawless deeds no more.”
He reminds me that Jesus has cleared the way for me to boldly approach the throne of grace in time of need– which is often. My patience fails hourly, my strength by the minute as bedtime approaches, and I need His strength, his love, and his patience to finish the day with a peaceful heart and home.
Praise God for such sweet grace in every day moments.